Way overdue, I know.

So I know I haven't posted in almost a week, but we have had lots going on.

I had a couple of appointments this week for myself, that weren't so easy on me either. I have had a very heavy heart lately. For many reasons. As we near Truitt's birthday, I am starting to relive the nightmare of what followed that incredible day. I am remembering how the most precious time of my life was harshly ripped away from Greg and I. We were devastated. I am still devastated as I remember the days following his birth. It over shadows the importance of that day, and I'm so terrified it always will. This is not how a new mom should feel about her child's first birthday. It makes me so angry, I am still so bitter.

We are just going to celebrate his birthday Saturday by going to the pumpkin patch and watching the OSU game. Birthday cake will also be eaten, I can't wait to give Truitt a taste. Although all he can eat is the frosting, he still can't eat solid foods. That, is enough to make me want to curl up and cry. It is so heartbreaking that he cannot reach out and grab his cake, rub it all over his face, and enjoy his new taste of sweet food freedom while we all take pictures and laugh until we cry. It makes me so sad, I just want him to experience those typical baby things. I want those memories. I guess they are more for us, than him.

He doesn't know the difference, bless he little heart.

To makes things even worse, we have noticed that all four of Truitt's teeth that have come through, are discolored. Badly. They almost look gray, even black in some spots. I am so concerned about it, but realize there is not much we can do right now. We go to the Pediatrician next week and he will address it then. After that appointment, he will refer us to a Pediatric Dentist. I just hope something can be done. I hate to think of my beautiful little boy with gray teeth. I have never heard of anything like it. Maybe the meds he is on? Trauma from birth? I don't know what could have caused it, but I am anxious to hear some answers.

As if we needed something else.

I hope this weekend goes better than my week has. Time will tell. I know his birthday will be a wonderful day, I just pray I can put the bad memories behind me, and focus on the real meaning of the day. What I was blessed with that day, not what was taken away.