Yesterday was a hard day. To say the least. I feel like I am back at ground zero, feeling like I did a year ago. I was hoping I would never feel like this again. I thought it was behind me, but I was wrong.
I don't know if it's because of his recent birthday, the time of year, season change, or just my hormones. I just hope it goes away soon. It is such a horrible way to feel, I can't even explain the hurt I am experiencing right now. The pain, and suffering, I want my old life back. I want Truitt to be healthy, I want him to have the life he so deserves. This is all starting to wear on me, I don't know how much further I can bend, until I break.
I learned yesterday while at Truitt's appointment, that he has a condition that proves he will battle seizures for life. With this condition, it is likely that at some point they will become uncontrollable. It will be a fight for him for the rest of his life. He will always need to remain medicated. I am heartbroken over the news. I was so hopeful that seizures were a thing of his past. Today, all hope was shattered.
The seizures will come and go throughout his life. Sometimes appearing non-existent, other times uncontrolled. It varies from person to person, some more mild and some severe. Please help us pray that Truitt will be on the mild side. He has been doing so well, I try to count my blessing for what I have right now. It is so hard not to think ahead. I want to have hope and dreams for my son, but right now those hopes and dreams are filled with fear and anguish.
This is going to be a tough week for me. Unfortunately we go see Neonatalogy next week, so it will only add to my stress and pain. I don't know if I can take anymore right now, this whole month is going to be tough. I am counting down the days, until its over, until I'm happy again. One day soon, I pray.
3 comments:
A Mothers pain for her child is never easy! This has been a year of happiness and disappoints. There were days that you thought you could not go on but you did it...you and Greg will be on "The Climb" with Truitt. Celebrating and appreciating every achievement no matter how small it may seem. Life is a journey and there are times we don't know where it leads. Truitt has proven he is a true fighter and trys so hard. No matter how big or small the challenge , he is up to it. He bright smile and laughter lights up our world. We are blessed...
There are times when you are just alone, and even though you have so many friends and family who give support its not enough to ease the pain. I have said many times there are times when answeres just arn't there. That is when we trust that through God all things are possible. Let go Let God has such a deep meaning....through him all things are bearable. His arms are there to comfort you, please trust and let him carry the burden for now. You will get your old self back but right now its ok to feel the way you feel....who wouldn't! Time will pass and so will your pain and grief. Always remember Truitt is who he is. He will always be loved and cherished for the little boy he is. As with any child no one knows what the future hold...looking back only keeps the wounds from healing...looking forward with expectations may lead to disappoints. Today is here to live it to the fullest! Tomorrow will take care of itself! You are never alone but there are times you feel lonely....that too will pass!
Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
- Julie
For those who read the blog and feel that words just are hard to find....please know that every little word means so much....its not how much you say, but expressing your love in a few words warms there heart! Thanks to all who share their concerns and love for Lauren, Greg and Truitt.
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