We were all there for the same reason. To receive therapy for our child for some God given reason. I still hate it. My heart was breaking for those other mothers. Myself too. It is so unfortunate that we all must live this life, one so unwanted but newly loved. We don't have a choice right now but our love for our children shines through. I wanted so badly to talk to them, tell them I'm so sorry and I know how they feel. Part of me wanted to pretend like nothing is wrong. Like I enjoy being there, which is so beyond the truth, it is gut wrenching. I wanted to show them my strength, but inside I was torn apart.
Truitt's therapy went pretty good. Catie thought he was doing really well and was so glad to see him again. But the happiness quickly turned for me when I saw all of the children around me. Some days all the kids around us appear to be fine, but no, not today. Almost all of them were not walking, or at best using walkers. I saw a five year old girl who has just learned to walk. Her parents were so proud and I know how they must feel. I'm sure they never thought the day would come. It did for her. Thank God for that.
I sometimes wonder if that day will come for Truitt. Will he ever walk? Ever be able to run and play? Even sitting up seems so far off that it crushes me. I know this is real, it will never go away. Until I see it, I will wonder. In my heart I know he will walk. His legs are near perfect. It will surely be a rough road to get him there, but he will. I keep the faith.
I had a very rough day yesterday. It still amazes me how up and down my emotions are. I was sitting in Truitt's room yesterday morning folding his laundry and I just started to cry. My mind went back to when I was pregnant. I used to sit in that very rocker and dream about my baby in this perfect room. I used to wonder what they would look like, a boy or a girl? I was so excited, anxious to bring them home, to fill the room with love only a baby can bring.
I never dreamed it would be like this. It is still so hard. It is nothing I thought it would be, but again I know no different. Only how hard my new life is. Yes, it is so rewarding to have Truitt come so far, but i still feels so unfair. I still have a hard time being in his room. Where all my dreams used to be, is now a harsh reality. I love him so much, but it is so hard some days to keep going.
Lauren
5 comments:
my heart goes out to you babygirl. i cant imagine what you are going through...but you have so much love and support...you will never be alone in this.
forever love, aunt dada
We know not what tomorrow brings for each of us....looking forward and always hopeing that tomorrow will be a better day. Love and support are always with you, sometime that isn't enough. Like the song says "I've gotta be strong" but its ok to have those weak moments. As your Grandmother and Truitt's Great Grandmother, I too feel the pain but believe that his climb will be steep but he will get there! You can see the dream and never give up.... believe that God has chosen special Mothers...you are that gift to all of us. Enjoy that beautiful room because it is his room with all the love it holds!
lauren....still praying for Truitt and believe he will prove all your dreams true and all your fears wrong!!! he is so beautiful and loved so very much. thinking of you and sending you all our love!
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Truitt is so very lucky to have you as a mother.
Your Answer is right there in front of you. This will take a little more Engery from you But it might be worth it. Why you talk to the doc. office and see if you can post a note saying mothers with specail needs Babys have a play Date so the adults have a chance to lean on each other...... I think that would be worth a try. Start a play date support group. I think you will be amazed the other mothers might need the say thing that you do, A mom who knows what you are going through....... I am sending you my Love. Jessica (Amandda's sister)
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