Exhausted

Okay, so since giving Truitt the Diastat yesterday afternoon, there are currently no seizures to report. Good thing, because he had more than enough yesterday. But that doesn't mean we didn't have a horrible night. He was feeling pretty sleepy all afternoon and well into the evening last night, and did a lot of laying around. I held him most of the day and when I would put him down, he would just lay there, motionless. That's not like our Truitt. He is such an active little guy, so to see him like this...


was really hard. He is awake in that picture, but he would just barely open his eyes. I can't even explain in words how it felt to see my baby in that condition. Just look at that face, filled with innocence, unaware of the struggle he was facing. I cannot get passed the guilt I have of making him feel that way, although I know I didn't have a choice. It is what was best for him. I hope I never, ever have to give him Diastat again.

His body was actually so realxed, that a tiny coughing spell led him to choke, turn blue and then I noticed he wasn't breathing. I panicked, stuck my finger down his throat and within a few seconds he was alright. That is by far the scariest thing I have ever witnessed. I really was afraid for his life, and I don't quite think I have recovered from that feeling yet.

He seemed to be feeling better today. No lasting effects from the Diastat. I now find myself not wanting him out of my sight. I couldn't even go into work today, because I was such a mess from the whole ordeal yesterday. I am a worried wreck again, these seizures just tear me apart. Along with everything that comes with them. I despise them.

My mom and dad took Truitt and I to the Dublin Irish festival tonight and we had a really good time. Ran into some great friends, and ate lots of yummy food! Truitt loved all of the action and listening to the men playing bag pipes. All of the commotion eventually wore him out. A little guy can only party so hard.


The Neurologist called today and let us know they decided to increase his Keppra again. I am starting to feel like it gets him nowhere when they do. He just has a few good weeks, and then everything crumbles into a millions pieces again and we are right back where we started. I am losing every bit of hope I have with these darn seizures each time this happens. I know he is still young, he is growing so fast, and they are so many medications that they can try. But it all seems so out of reach.

I am trying my hardest to keep my cool and take it one day at a time. This isn't the worst that could happen, and I am still grateful for all of the wonderful things that have happened for Truitt. You can't have a victory without the battle. This is just one more small step of his amazing journey. It's sure going to be a really good one if you ask me.